I have to preface this post by saying, God is so great and so very good.
A few months ago God showed me that the way I viewed money was completely wrong. Now I couldn't fully see what was wrong, but I knew something wasn't right. I *could* see that I was very close fisted when it came to my money. I determined to, first, start giving more money to missions each month and to, second, stop constantly counting pennies and making sure people paid me back exactly what they owned me, but instead be generous with my money.
What I didn't realize was that God was preparing to show me my heart. And it wasn't going to be pretty.
I was sick for most of the month of November and unable to work, so Justine had to work for me. When it came time to be paid for that month, I, for some reason, expected to get more money than I did. It shook me up more then I thought it would.
A few unkind remarks from Justine, my greedy heart, and a day to simmer and stew resulted in the first true fight between Justine and I in a few years. Right in the middle of the OU/OSU game. It wasn't pretty. I had asked God to change my heart and my first test I had miserably failed. But good came out of it, I was able to truly see the state of heart.
I wish I could say that everything changed for me then, that I was no longer covetous. But that is not true. God still had a lot of work to do on my heart and still does.
Because of my relatively small paycheck, December was tight. This was a new experience for me. I was used to having plenty of money, but with my monthly expenses going up a bit and car repairs I didn't have as much as I normally did. It took me all month to come to grips with it and I can't even say I have fully arrived yet.
I am not going to have very much spending money for the next few months, for various reasons and because I saving quite a bit of money for different things. It will be a new experience for me and something that is probably closer to reality for most people. I am not going to lie and say it will be easy. It is going to be hard.
But God is so good. He prepared me for this. He hasn't left me yet. He is continuing to guide me through this. He is teaching me. He is conforming me into the image of His Son.
He is not done yet. I am sure more trials await me, but I can glorify God through this, through my hardships, through my failings, and through my sucesses. God will still be faithful.