"When pride comes then comes dishonor, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 11:2
I want to be perfect. I want to be polished, put together, to say the right things. I want everyone around me to love me. To accept me. I want no one to point out my faults and if they see them love me despite or even for them.
The question arises, do I do this to other people? Am I finding fault, making fun of, and not loving others?
It hurts. A lot.
I am relying on people to love me. When, ultimately, only God can do that. Perfectly.
I have a war going on inside me, part of me wants to change myself and make myself into the perfect girl I envision. The other part wants everyone to accept and love me for who I am.
That is why there is Christ. He loves me perfectly and accepts me. And because of His love I am driven to my knees before Him. Because of His love I want to change.
That is how I am to love others. So perfectly, so completely, that they can see Christ in and through me.
That isn't me. At all.
I don't love people perfectly. All to often I don't even love people at all. I am so wrapped up in me, in wanting to make others love me, that I can't see the needs around me.
That hurts me. So deeply. What a horrid person I am. What a beautiful Saviour I have. And that is what my focus should be on, my Saviour. Not me.
The Saviour of the world rescued me. He is in the process of changing me. I would have grown tired of trying to change me. I am stubborn. I see that I am sinning and I don't care. I do it anyways. I fail to ask forgiveness as I should.
Pride. A word that defines my life. Pride wants me to appear perfect. Pride says I am a good person and everyone should love and accept me. Pride. It is an ugly thing. Always there, out in the open for all to see, and yet, so often, it is hard to expose because I can't see it.
Humility. I am nothing. I don't deserve to be loved or accepted. But I have been. In the Beloved.
Thankfulness. This is what I must put on. I should be shouting for joy. I have a beautiful Saviour! He saved *me*. Why? Why did He save me? It wasn't for my sake. That is certain. For His sake. For His Name. For His glory. That is why He saved me.
What an awesome thing has been done for me. I should be abundantly joyful, fully humble, and continually thankful. Seeking to glorify Him in everything. My Saviour is mighty, indeed.
I think that I can get it right. But I can't. And that is beautiful. Because if I could I wouldn't need a Saviour. And God would not be given the glory He deserves.
When I want to get it right and do it on my own , I want to bring myself glory. My pride is showing again.
When I am full of pride I want to make myself look good, but in the end it is a failure because instead of looking good I bring dishonor onto myself and my Saviour.
As the verse I quoted at this beginning of this post states, "When pride comes then comes dishonor, but with the humble is wisdom."
What is wisdom? Wisdom is knowing I am the biggest failure, but I have the greatest Saviour.
Do I live like I have a Saviour? A Saviour who loves me. Loves me so much that He won't let me just sit in my sin. He changes me so gently. Instead of fighting Him, I should turn and thank Him for not leaving me in my sin. Yes, it hurts. But it is for my good.
I have a beautiful Saviour.