Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Christ and the Church

I don't want to be one of those girls that spends her time daydreaming about my wedding. But reality is that I am super excited to get married, have my own home, and start a family. It is something I have been preparing for for years, it is not something to be ashamed about. And yet so often I act ashamed of it.  It is a worthy goal, but I often squirm when someone asks me what I want to do in life and my only response is, get married. Marriage is a beautiful picture of the gospel. Christ and the church.

Monday, August 19, 2013

like it or lump it

I just want to be real with people. I am afraid this is often my downfall, because I have never learned the art of tack. I just lay it out there. I forget that some people may be offended, because it never occurs to me to be offended or at the off-chance that I am offended I always blame it on myself not what the other person said. Having to side-step issues, not bring up topics, or apologize for my view has never been easy for me. I just want to tell people to like it or lump it. But that isn't kind. Rats.

Sunday, August 18, 2013


This is where I sit down and write a long post about what God has been teaching me lately.

There is everything to be said and there is nothing to be said. My brain feels too full to even begin to put it all down.

This summer was nothing like I expected it to be. I thought it would be a summer of refreshment and fun.

And it was fun. But it was also very hard.

My friend asked me, what did God teach you about Himself this summer? I had to think about it, but I told her, He taught me about His goodness. He is good, even when everything around me is falling apart.

I spent the bulk of my summer considering friendship. What does it mean to be a friend? Do you have to be friends with everyone at the same level? Who are my friends?

I also realized I don't have a lot of friends that are true friends. Sure I have acquaintances that I enjoy spending a fun evening with, but there isn't a lot of depth to our friendship.

Friends care about each other. They want to know what's really going on in the other person's life. They want to talk about real things. They have fun together. They make an effort to spend time together. They serve the other person's needs.

I have very few friends that fall under that description. But I do have friends like that and I am immensely thankful for them.

I have no idea what this autumn holds, who my friends will be, or if I will really have any friends.

I have a few people that I think need to see what true friendship looks like, so when see them, I want to be a true friend to them, even if they don't reciprocate. Unfortunately, I don't see them a lot and I am tired of inviting myself over to their house, so we will see what happens with that.

Honestly, I want to get married. But I have to know someone first and my pool of friends is quickly running dry. I trust God, but I think I need to be spending time outside of my house with a wide group of people. I don't know what that will necessarily look like, but I trust God to bring it to me. He's always been faithful in the past.

I've had to trust God that He knows what He's doing, because I create these big, elaborate plans in my mind and I want God to make them happen, because they look so perfect. But they might not be perfect and if doesn't work out, God does know what's happening.

The only thing I can do at the moment is be faithful in the place God has put me in right now.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

live in fear that i cannot be your savior

"Live in fear that I cannot be your savior."

That sums up how I think about men. I see them, love them, and want to make them a little better. You know, fix them.

If they just lived with me for a little while I would make them into an even better person. (yeah....fat chance...)

But here's the thing, it doesn't work. Never has, never will.

As the saying goes, "Men marry women expecting them not to change and they do. Women marry men hoping they will change and they don't." But it's true. And I know it's true. But I still think I can fix men.

I just look and them and think, Poor boy, he needs me.

Wow. If that isn't proud, I don't know what is.

Why am I given a desire to fix boys, when I can't even do it?

I need to channel that desire into prayer and support of them. Because that's what they need. It's just so hard, because I want to *do* something. But praying is doing something. And showing support and standing behind them is doing something.

God uses prayer and He can use me.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

camera roll

My camera roll should never fall into the wrong hands. I have some very incrementing photos and screen shots on it.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I'm glad this blog is just for my benefit, otherwise it would be a complete failure.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

downtown, myers briggs, lensbaby, and friends

 A few friends and I went downtown for a photoshoot. It was super hot, but we talked Myers Briggs, so I was in my element. I brought my lensbaby with the double glass optic and no aperture ring. So, the whole shoot for me was a big experiment and learning experience. I didn't come away with very many good shots and frankly I wasn't expecting to, but I had a blast and that's what matters. Here are the shots I kept, not sure if any of these are even good. I suppose you can decide for yourself.

more green things...what's new?

A couple photos I took on my phone this week.

I think candid is beautiful.

The 1975

And I love you, don't you mind.

It takes a bit more, it takes a bit more than you. 

I want to see you, but you're not mine. 
You don't need me. Maybe you'll change your mind. I think I'm falling for you. 

Thursday, August 8, 2013


So now I spend all my time either listening to CHVRCHES or thinking about listening to CHVRCHES.