Monday, December 17, 2012

being held together

I felt like yelling. Getting mad at someone. But there was no one to get mad at. Certainly not God. He was the only thing that was keeping me through this whole thing. He was the only certain thing.

Monday, December 10, 2012

letting go

God has a good plan for my life.
I believe that. But only for my future. I forget that God is working in my life right now. And it is good.
That is hard. Because circumstances don't appear good.
It comes back to trusting God.
Do I trust Him?
Do I believe Him good?
Cognitively? Yes.
In my actions? Not always.
God is teaching me to trust Him. Trust Him to work my life for good.
I have no control. Over anything.
I tried for a long, long time to dictate circumstances and make things go the way I wanted them to go.
Guess what? I can't control my life.
The only thing I have is prayer. Which is so powerful. A lot more powerful than me.
It hurt so bad to realize I couldn't make what I wanted happen.
But I am so glad God brought me to the end of myself.
Now I can stop trying to control.
Now I can trust Him. Completely.

..... for now. I'll blow it again. Soon.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

most of the air

Most of the air I pump out of these lungs is 
toxic but you breathe it,  
and you love me, and you want me. 
And I want you from your essence to your skin. 
I’m wanting to present the best of me; all I have is this.

Most of the air I pump out of these lungs is 
toxic but you breathe it, 
and you love me, and you want me. 
What am I to have that you’re so sure? 
You sought me without flag so I know. 
I know.

-Zach Winters