Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Satisfied

I've been recently informed that this blog is where I write lonely and sad posts about how I wish I weren't single. 
I'm sorry readers, I never meant for it to be this way. (Please read that and laugh, you were meant to.) 
Yes. I have days where I am discontent, apparently that's when I post on here, but in general I am quite content with my life. At least my martial state. I am always looking back and seeing how not ready I was to be married. 
I'm the most selfish. I lay in bed frequently and bless God that I am single and alone with an entire bed to myself. I can do what I want when I want and don't have to answer to a spouse. It's really quite lovely. 
So those of you who read my last post and assumed it was a reminder to myself that God is my only satisfaction not a man, you were mistaken. My lack of purpose in life is causing me angst. I want to know where I'm going in life  I want a job that "fulfills" me and makes me good enough in the eyes of the world. 
It's so silly. I will never be good enough. Only Christ is. And I must rely on Him. 
This semester I've been learning to put stock in God's word and not the world. It hasn't been easy and I am not there yet, but I am getting closer. 
In summary, yes I still desire to be married, it would be so much easier than trying to find a goal and purpose in this life; I could spend my days serving my spouse. But, God hasn't given me a husband and I am truly content in that. God may never give me a spouse, but He has given me His Son and His word. Currently, I'm struggling with wanting the world to pronounce me good enough and worthy of honor. I must rid myself of earthly thinking and look to Christ alone, the only one who will truly satisfy my heart.